Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Sue everything that might hurt you

All this talk about smokers suing cigarette manufacturers for health problems seems as absurd to me as Evel Knievel suing his motorcycle manufacturer for broken bones. After all, he never would have broken 35 bones if it weren't for those bikes. That's it! It was the company's fault for selling him those bikes! He didn't know what he was getting into! He was addicted to adrenaline and he wasn't thinking clearly!

Imagine the consequences of carrying this out to its logical conclusion. Then again, maybe I can finally cash in on all of my personal vices--and I'm sure I'll feel better about them if I can get a Judge or Jury to tell me they aren't my fault. Watch out, all you sinister makers of beer, pizza, and video games! You will pay for my poor judgment!

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